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11.23.2009

Week 3 of NaNoWriMo – Pressure: On

The third week of this literary insanity is over. I stare into the fourth week. The final stretch. I try not to think about the fact that I should be finishing an entire novel in seven days. A novel I began 23 days ago.

Before I share a portion of my project with you, I’d just like to point out to those nonwriters out there exactly how hard it is to write a novel in a month.

How hard is it? Very. Even for someone that has been training and has been writing for years. It is one of the most challenging things I’ve done. My brain officially hates me and I am sucking my creative juices dry.

It is also one of the most rewarding. So, as always, please forgive my roughness and errors with what I post here. And enjoy :)

____________________________________________

I thought passing through a foreign portal to our world would be awkward. Clearly, I hadn’t anticipated being on campus of a boarding school. I hadn’t anticipated meeting…friends. Is that what these roommates are? Lucan’s friends? They don’t look friendly to me. Not with their deep scowls, random laughter after everything I say, and that intent look they get when I’m not speaking.

The noise isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I can still hear creatures outside, a bird in its nest just outside their window, and the Residential Advisor flicking through the TV channels in the lobby. However it’s all somehow subdued.

“Lucan tells me you guys used to run track together. Do you enjoy that sort of thing?”

The boy that asks, Ivan Wence, is probably the most complicated for me to decipher. Through all the clamor of Lucan’s thoughts, it’s difficult for me to hear his. And because I haven’t mastered the skill yet, it’s near impossible to drown out Lucan’s to hear his. Normally I would think it an invasion of privacy to look for someone’s thoughts, but I need to know his. There seems to be a double meaning, a hidden question behind all of his words.

“I do,” I simply state. Even this answer throws Ivan and the other roommate, Martial, into a laughing frenzy. I glance at Lucan from the corner of my eye.

“Don’t ask me,” I hear him think, but he smiles anyway.

Smiling to be polite, I tell myself.

“So who is faster, you or Lucan?” Martial Ladislas tortures me with his purposeful gaze. The hollow above his eyes is dark with shadows and I hear my heart quicken as he stares at me.

“Lucan,” I lie. I know I lie, and I don’t care. A part of me feels it necessary, and without thought, I follow.

“No way,” Luc denies. I try poking him but he doesn’t cooperate. “She’s much faster.”

“That so?” Martial says, watching me even harder. After sixteen heartbeats, he releases me from his stare and appears casual, almost bored. He flicks a crumb off his shirt. “I used to love running, too,” he says. “Care for a race?”

I hear so little over Lucan’s thoughts, encouraging me to take him. To beat him, but not enough that it makes him suspicious. “Just by half a second,” he tells me.

“I’d rather not,” I say, pushing him away with ice in my voice. “It’s been a long day. Maybe Luc will.”

The shadows around Martial’s eyes return and he wills me with his black focus. “Alright, you give me a race, and I’ll give you something you want.”

“You don’t have anything I’d want.”

“You sure about that?” he asks, leaning in. He rests his elbows on his knees and the distance between us is too close; so close that it hurts my lungs. They ache for more room. He looks to Lucan out the side of his eyes and back to me. “You give me a race, and I’ll tell you what girl’s name Luc was calling out in his sleep last night.”

My ribs squeeze together and I hear Lucan pierce his thoughts to me. “He’s messing with you, Abby. If I said anyone’s name is was yours.”

“I don’t care whose name he said. I’m the one here, aren’t I?” I smile at Lucan and squeeze his leg quickly. I see him wince briefly and remember my strength is beyond my control right now. It’s pleasing to consider how easy it would be to make Martial a part of the wall behind his head. Just a little shove and he’d be a wall decoration.

“You’re right. You’re here,” Martial says, leaning back into his seat. “For now, that is.”

Ivan and Martial exchange more laughs and I feel fire-hot blood beneath my skin.

“They’re winding you up,” Lucan assures me.

I breathe through my nose and stand. I don’t care if I break and sweat and glide past him at 90 miles per hour. Whatever shuts him up.

“Let’s go,” I say. I’m outside by the time Lucan gets to his feet.

Stretching is something I’ve become equipped to do for show. It doesn’t even feel good anymore. I concentrate on the moan of the crickets, the rustle in the trees, and the feel of the dark covering us. A long, empty road is spackled with overgrown maple trees and make the night even murkier. I see the end of the road without straining my eyes. Not a car for six and a quarter miles. The rest of the student body are in their dorm rooms, reading, secretly smoking in their bathrooms with the shower on, and undressing each other with a sock on the door.

“You are fast,” Martial observes indifferently. He loosens his neck by swinging his head side to side. Little good it’ll do him. This isn’t a neck race. “Freakishly so,” he adds.

A sneer curls around my face and I focus on one thing. Beating him. Shutting him up. I figure it’ll do him good in the future. “You ready or do you need your buddy Ivan to give you a pep talk?”

His left foot falls behind him, finding purchase on the pavement. The shadows under his eyes seem darker in the strange lighting. “I think I can handle this.”

“Where do we stop?”

“There’s a store a quarter mile down there on the right. Whoever reaches the parking lot first.”

“Got it.” I stare ahead and stand loosely, waiting for their count.

“Three,” Ivan begins, “two…”

That’s all it takes. Martial releases from his place before Ivan can say Go. I give him a generous two seconds. Something to feel good about himself. I start with a slow jog, catching up to him in an almost patronizing way.

“Come on, Oregon. You can do better than that.”

“You sure?” I ask easily. “You’re really giving me a run for my money.”

“No pun intended?”

Thirteen miles an hour, I notice. I step it up to twenty, pressing him harder to a breaking point. I want to hear his breathing, count his heartbeats, measure his strain. But I can’t hear much besides the wind ripping past my ears. It’s strangely unsettling.

“You hustling me, Oregon?”

“Stop calling me that,” I say, feeling it necessary to keep him at a cold distance.

“Uh oh, there’s the store,” he teases. “I think you got me.”

The small convenience store is only thirty…twenty-eight…twenty-five meters away.

As I begin to slow my pace, knowing at even an easy jog I will annihilate him, there is a strange force behind me. A massive explosion of pressure, unseen to the eye but with enough force and friction that the static it creates pains my ears.

I look behind me and see nothing. I begin to slow, worrying something has happened to Martial. Something terrible that I’ll never be able to explain.

I look to the trees and further down the road. Even with the near perfect night vision, I see nothing but a squirrel stuffing food in his mouth.

“Martial!” I yell. Saying his name aloud and with such fear feels treasonous. “Martial?” I call again, growing more worried.

A chuckle roars in the short distance behind me and I turn slowly to greet it. “What’s the matter, Oregon? Couldn’t keep up?” He stands in the parking lot of the grocery store and picks his teeth. I hear a hunk of meat fly off his gums and smack the ground.

My teeth seal together, my jaw muscles rippling and tight, unable and unwilling to reply. Words are the enemy.

Martial crosses his ankles and leans against the single light pole in the dingy parking lot. “Look, you don’t have to feel bad,” he condescends. “I am quick, like I told you.” I take a few paces toward him but feel unsure if I’ll be able to control this bizarre new strength. “It was cute seeing you yell my name though. ‘Martial! Oh, Martial!’ So sweet…So deceptive.”

“Deceptive?” I ask, taking another rigid step to him. I stare at him with a mixture of curiosity and dislike.

“You’re not sweet at all, are you?” He stands and begins striding toward me as well, with smaller but surer steps. “And let’s be honest,” he smirks, “you let me win. Didn’t you?”

“If I could’ve beaten you I would’ve,” I say. Another lie. Another necessary lie.

He tilts his chin to the left, then to the right. “What do you say?” He steps even closer. “One more race back to campus?”

A deep thunder strikes in the distance, shaking me to the moment. To my senses. They come to life as if dormant for centuries. I hear the cricket beside Martial’s foot right before he crunches it to death with a lightning-fast pivot of his toes.

“I’ll race you back to campus,” I say. But there’s no way I’m sleeping in the same room as you. I ball my fists to my side as he cocks his eyebrow with a challenge.

I start off my run at twenty this time, knowing there is no way this punk eighteen-year-old jerk can pass me. But another thump of pressure beats against my back, this time throwing me to the pavement.

I know something is terribly wrong when I look up and realize I’m back in Oregon.

11.15.2009

Week Two NaNoWriMo – Tough middle? Psh.

It’s exactly halfway through NaNoWriMo and I’ve already found it to be one of the best experiences for me. I’m currently lingering around 33,000 words, roughly 118 pages, and am whipping this novel into shape.

What have I found? I write about an hour and a half a day. Maybe an hour. It really depends on the music I’m listening to, how much I’ve been drinking to keep me awake, and how often this makes me have to go to the bathroom.

What else have I found? The majority of my writing is not done on the computer. What do I mean? Yes, I spend about an hour to hour and a half at the computer every day, churning out approximately 2000 words in those sessions. I guarantee you this: I would not be able to write that much that fast (if you call that fast) without preparation. Every moment I can, I am thinking about this novel. I am plotting my next scene, my next move, determining actions, consequences, and how exactly I’m going to pull off this ending.

And you know what? If I didn’t obsess, I would be spending 4 hours at the computer instead of 1. Preparation (mental, for me) is crucial.

Again, I’d like to share with you a portion of what I’ve been writing. Yes, it is out of context. Yes, it is rough. No, I have not edited a word. Please forgive me for it. But I hope you enjoy.

___________________________________________

“Abby, get in now!” Malea laughs. I know it’s a dream the moment I see her face. It’s the only place I can see it, which is the only reason I cling to each movement she makes.

A dream? A nightmare? A little of both I suppose.

“I’m coming,” I say, giggling loud and so hard it hurts my insides. The blanket of downpour misses my back by seconds as I duck into the cave. I stare at the cliff outside beneath us and watch the ferns on the rock sway in the harsh wind. But we’re safe inside.

We. I look for Malea, her full cheeks dripping with rain and pink from our hike up the mountain. My eyes pivot to Jude and Evan who shake off their jackets in the corner. My heart aches when Evan’s eyes join mine. In my dreams, he still doesn’t know the outcome of our little escapade into Anaheim Cave. None of them do. But I do. My chest sinks and my eyes fall from him. He still smiles. Eva waits in the corner, shivering but smiling. Always smiling.

There’s nothing I can do when Jude pulls the twelve-pack of beer from the cooler he and Evan towed up here. I know it’s a mistake. They pop the tops, clink their cans, and there’s nothing I can do but follow suit. Just like I did then.

“Truth or dare,” Malea challenges me after her second beer in ten minutes.

“I’ll take any dare you do,” I reply. To them I must be smiling, just like I had that day, but my body writhes in the bed where I know I sleep. “Whatcha got?”

She takes a purposeful finger and points it right in my face. “You,” she directs, then turns to Evan. “And you.”

I look to Evan who puts his arms up like an innocent victim.

“Clothes off. In the pools.”

I stare to the pools and instinct tells me to run but memories tell me to stay. I have to stay. I did. I will. This is what happens. What happened. Whether I like it or not.

“Deal,” I say. I slowly remove all my damp clothes, leaving only my bra and underwear to protect me against the laughs from my friends. Evan’s skin turns to goose bumps when he removes his button-up shirt.

We take hands and lower ourselves into the warm water. Hot pockets. That’s what everyone at school called them, although few people ventured very far inside them. It was common knowledge that you could swim to the bottom, through a tunnel, and come out in another cave. But people didn’t try it. I wasn’t nervous then, but knowing the danger I now shake as I enter with Evan.

We move together in the water, his arms around my waist pulling me close so we warm each other.

“Okay, Malea,” he says, teeth chattering behind me. “Now you guys.”

I want to tell her – yell, force, push her away – not to come into the pools. My throat aches, dry and burning and missing the words. Stay back! I hear myself crying. But Malea downs her third beer and pulls her clothes off in less than fifteen seconds. Jude and Eva follow close behind and soon we’re standing in a five-foot pool of lukewarm water.

“What do you think’s down there?” Malea says, looking into the crystal water near her feet.

I know what’s down there and wish I didn’t.

“Tunnels.” Jude fishes out the last few drops from his beer can, crushes it between his fingers, and tosses it toward his pile of clothes. “We should check them out.”

“I don’t know, we didn’t even bring a flashlight,” Evan says.

Malea smirks and stares him down under her eyebrow. “You can see right to the bottom, you don’t need a flashlight.”

“How far do the tunnels run?” Eva asks. She and Malea both gravitate toward Jude in the water.

“I heard you can get through them in about twenty seconds,” Malea says quickly.

“That’s what I heard,” Jude agrees.

“Probably not a good idea since we’ve been drinking,” I say, just like I did that day. I wish more words would come, though. The right ones.

“Nah, I’m not too worried,” Jude says. “Come on, you all feel good, right?” He asks the rest as if vamping in front of a crowd.

“I’m in.” Malea wraps her arm into Jude’s and stands with a resolute expression in the reflective water.

“Me too.” Eva takes his other arm.

The two of them and Jude. I wonder if this strange fight for his attention was the final straw.

“Let’s go then!”

The three of them disperse in a triangle as Jude searches the water for the darker opening to the tunnel.

“You’re not going, are you?” I whisper to Evan.

“Eh, they won’t make it,” he shrugs. “I’ll just follow behind the girls so I can lead them back.”

“Lead them back?”

He laughs, his black eyebrows straightening into a scowling grin. “They’ll get down there, freak out, and swim right back. You know how they are.”

But they won’t, Evan. They’ll follow him, just like they always do. And..and…I hear myself sob in the bed, but can’t break from the dream world I inhabit. “Be careful, okay?” I say anyway.

“You’re not coming?” Malea asks, face sinking into a momentary frown.

I lightly touch my forehead and begin climbing out of the pools and back on the rocky surface. “I think I had too much to drink. I should probably stay here.”

She quickly shrugs and turns back to Jude. “Suit yourself.”

Eva catches my eye and grins. “Tell you about it when we get back.” I see something in her eye – a glint, knowledge, a wink deep into her soul – and wonder if Dream Eva knows what I know. That she won’t tell me about it. And they won’t come back. Ever.

I count down the seconds. After having the nightmare so many times, I know exactly how long it takes. One hundred and fifty-seven seconds. At seventy, my breathing becomes shallow. I try to hear the events then like I can hear now. Try to hear the cries, the panic, the thrashing of the water, and the last release of air, but it never comes. I try to use my talent to calculate the exact distance, but it never works. Maybe I could have told them, stopped them.

One hundred fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two…I look for Evan in the water but see nothing. I unclasp my arms from around my knees and begin to stand. Fifty-five, fifty-six…

Then I see Evan’s head move toward the surface of the water. Is it water or tears that flush down his face? After watching this scene so many times, I still don’t know.

“They’re in there! Call 911!” he shouts and the acoustics catch the agonized pitch of his voice.

“What happened?” I ask, although I know.

“They’re in there!” he says, this time spitting on my face in the process and rummaging through his pants to get his cell phone.

“They’re still in the water?” I cry.

He tries and tries to dial the emergency number, but every time his phone mocks him with the same tone, saying he has no coverage. I fall to the rocks and resist jumping in after them myself. I let him keep dialing although I know it’s futile. While Evan may have made it to the other side for air, they wouldn’t. Not with the amount they drank. Evan was the swim team captain, not Malea, not his sister Eva, and certainly not pack-a-day Jude.

We were supposed to be invincible. We were supposed to be the exception, not the rule. We made our own laws; we didn’t live by others’. We were the special ones…

cavepool

11.11.2009

NaNoWriMo Comic Diversions

all comics courtesy of the hilarious

and brilliant debbie ohi

11.05.2009

Week One of NaNo – Dominating the novel

I know, the first week of NaNoWriMo actually isn't closing already, but if I don't write this post now, you won't hear from me again until the close of week two, and we all know what an absolute tragedy that would be. :)

To keep you up-to-date on my writing adventure, I'm including a snippet of what I've written. And because this is NaNoWriMo and it's about quantity and not quality, well...it sucks and that's my excuse.

So far, this has already been a fun journey. I started out the month with a clear idea in my head of what to write and where this was all going. My outline was definite and I have stuck to it. But the characters have truly surprised me with the subplots and adventures they are taking me on. Because I don't have time to suss it out in my head before I start writing again, I just go for it, and so far the results have really given me a thrill.

So I share some with you. As it's out of context, you may not experience that high that I have while writing it, but I still hope you enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------------

“Where’ve you been, Abby?” Mom asks. One hand rests to her hip and she moves sideways against the stove as she stirs a taco soup.

I gulp and remember my decision at the portal.

“I’m sorry, I was out.” I throw my backpack on the couch and untie my sneakers. “Where’s Dad?”

I ask these questions to play along. It’s safer if Mom doesn’t know that I know, but when Dad comes home from work smelling of his twenty-two year-old secretary, I can do little to sedate my sensitive nose.

“Joe’s.”

Joe. I wouldn’t trust him a Barbie doll. Mom pretends to tolerate him, but I see the blood boil around her ears and cheeks when he’s around. I hear her pulse heighten and know she clenches her fists without realizing.

“Taco soup, huh?

“Mmm-hmm.”

Something’s different about her tonight. The way she avoids eye contact, the simmering cool in her voice. Even the tilt of her hand and rhythm of her breathing is of. I think if I try hard enough, I’ll hear her thoughts. No chance, though. I’ve tried that on Lucan so many times it almost gives me a headache to struggle.

I strip off a sock and stuff it into my shoe. “Are you okay?” I walk to the barstool beside the kitchen island and sip on her glass of water that collects large drops of condensation. I take a second sniff and realize there is liquor on the rim. My mother isn’t typically a drinker. Only if something has gotten to her.

“Mmm-hmm.”

I wait, studying her movements and trying to pick up on even the smallest hint that’ll tell me what’s bothering her.

“You could tell me,” I try coaxing. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Oh yes,” she nods, still stirring. “You’re good with secrets, aren’t you?”

My throat winds into a ball and I stop breathing. Lucan. She knows. I don’t know how, but she knows.

I suppose the thing with Lucan wouldn’t be such a big deal had I not discovered our parents’ affair two years ago.

“If you don’t want to talk, just tell me.”

She grabs a bowl from the cupboard next to her head and dispenses a ladleful of chunky soup into it. “This should warm up your vocal chords.”

She slides the bowl across the island and clinks a large spoon into it. I look hard into her eyes. I wait for a mumble under her breath. Nothing comes. “Thank you,” I say. I pause, thinking she’ll get a bowl for herself, but she returns to stirring. “You’re not eating?”

“Me?” she asks. “Oh, I’m not hungry. Not hungry at all.”

While I appreciate my mother’s efforts in the kitchen, food here can’t compare to the natural foods in Ahndi. I’ve called it indescribable more than once, then proceeded to still attempt describing it. You want to relate the flavors, its purity and lightness, but no words suffice. It’s truly otherworldly. I swallow a spoonful of scolding hot soup and linger in anticipation of my mother’s release of this thing inside her.

She continues to stir the pot but keeps silent for several more minutes. “What did you get up to today?” I finally ask.

“Same old thing. Laundry, housework, and paying bills.” She places the ladel onto her spoon cradle and begins untying her apron. “The question is what did you get up to?”

I envy adults. They don’t have people hovering over their shoulders, demanding they account for the minutes that have passed in their day. If they want to go to the store, they go. If they want to eat a cookie before dinner they do. And if they wanted to visit an alternate reality without having to pretend they’re at track practice, then they’ll do it. Not that many do, but still…Being under my parents’ roof means I have little privacy. This is why I don’t keep a journal. If I did, no doubt she would’ve found out about Lucan months ago.

“Well, I had a chemistry test this morning,” I say trying to stall. “Daric and I wrote a song in band.”

“And?” she says, urging me.

“And it was good,” I say dumbly. “We called it France Has Needs, Too.” I hope she’ll crack a smile at this. In a way we share a similar sense of humor. But there’s nothing. She expects more. She expects admittance.

What do I admit to first? Dating the son of the man she has an affair with? Lying about it? The fact that her taco soup actually isn’t all that good? Or how about the biggest. Mom, not to freak you out or anything, but I lie when I say I’m a track practice. Instead I visit an alternate reality. I mean, I’d love to invite you, but you have to have some kind of a moral compass to get you there.

It’s all so bizarre. After a year I still have days where I can’t believe it’s the truth.

“I ran a five-minute mile,” I say. Would this satiate her?

I look into my soup and think I see chunks of hamburger meat spelling out my name. I blink hard and it’s gone.

“You always run a five minute mile,” she says. “But you’re quite the runner, aren’t you?”

Quite the runner?

Logic locks into place. My senses recall seeing dirt on my mother’s tires. And her favorite radio station? I suddenly remember 94.9 Classic Rock.

The time it took me to pass through the portal hadn’t occurred to me. I was too frozen by the water. I hadn’t even tapped into hearing outside the cave, listening for my followers. My chest suddenly aches and stomach churns the taco soup.

I have to test how much she knows.

“Where did you go today?” I ask firmly.

The demanding tone in my voice summons her attention to me for the first time tonight. “I could ask you the same question.”

“I told you what I did today.”

“But you didn’t tell me what you did tonight.”

“You have gravel in the treads of your tires,” I quip.

“Your hair’s wavy. Did it get wet?”

Her dark eyes tunnel into me. I curl into the back of the barstool and drop my spoon.

“You followed me!”

Mom places her palms onto the counter and leans across so our faces are inches apart. “It’s not a myth, is it?” she sneers. “It exists, and you went to it.”

“Tell me what you saw."

Oregon Forest

10.26.2009

NaNoWriMo 2009 – It’s On.

WHAT I’M WRITING FOR NANOWRIMO 2009:

Young Adult Novel – SINNERS

Synospsis:

To the rest of society, the world of Ahndi is nothing more than a myth. But 17-year-old Abigail Cross knows better and finds herself torn between the world she was born into and the one she loves. Ahndi, a reality sustained by the morally upright, is the only place she has felt free. With the her best friend Daric and boyfriend Lucan as frequenters of her alternate world, it is the place she plans to one day live permanently.

Knowing the portals are guarded only by the petitioner’s conscience, Abigail is stunned when one day she is denied access through. Deciding it must be guilt over past issues, she tries to forget the experience. But Daric believes something else, something sinister, must be going on in the world of Ahndi. Something none of them imagined would be possible, but would bring an end to their world. And Abigail can’t fathom the nemesis she will be forced to face.

In a world where no one sins, how do you bring down the ones that threaten to destroy it?

Want to buddy me? Follow this link for all things Kristy Colley and NaNoWriMo.


10.22.2009

frankie and lucie - not what they seem

Today, I blog about CATS! Aren't you excited???? Maybe I should use more exclamation points and tell you it's about ZOMBIE VAMPIRE CATS!!!!

Onto the story...

Simon and I don't have kids or pets. Instead, we adopt the neighbor's cats. They first started visiting months ago. We'd exchange pleasantries. They'd mow at me, I'd tell them to get lost. It was almost like we were family. After a while, Cat #1 grew more bold, even coming into my house while the door was open. She walked upstairs to my bedroom for a little nap on my bed. I knew this was no ordinary cat.

Then something happened. I named her. Then began the love story. They visit every day, even waiting for Simon and I to get home from work. We feed them, they snuggle with us on the couch, demand to be pet, and hang out until bedtime rolls around and they're tossed outside. So they're known as our part time cats. Cat #1 I called Frankie. Cat #2 I called Lucie. I'm pretty sure they're both girls, though I've get to investigate, nor do I think I will.

cats

Here they are, looking normal enough. Frankie is on the right, Lucie on the left. They enjoy a delicious can of tuna, and at first glance you'd never suspect what they really are.

frankievampire

That's right. A vampire cat. Honestly, I don't know if she's just dressing up early for Halloween, trying out her costume on a smaller audience, but she looks incredible. Don't you think?

luciezombie

Then I saw Lucie dressed up like a zombie. I thought, "No way, cats can't make costumes that remarkable." That's when I saw the baby pool of blood beside her. I realized they weren't eating tuna at all.

With Simon gone and me left alone with the mutant cats, I freaked. I immediately resumed making my eggs and hashbrowns for dinner, knowing in the back of my mind they could take me down at any minute. I just hoped they'd make it quick.

From behind me I heart the licking of whiskers, the flick of the tail. Then a heave. Another heave. "What is this," I thought, "a hairball of blood?" But I ignored it, thinking all the while this would be a trick. They might be waiting for me to turn around so they could lunge at my throat.

Bleh. I heard it. I knew this wasn't a trick. Enter Simon - "Uhh, Kristy...what is that?"

I angle around the island of the kitchen and peek into the living room carpet. Puke. Vampire zombie cat puke. The worst kind. "Simon, that's puke," I point out, as he clearly couldn't fathom what was before his eyes.

Frankie sat next to the bookshelf, licking her tallon-like claws in pleasure, pretending nothing had gone awry. "Frankie," I say, watching my tone. "Frankie, what did you do?" Of course, she ignores me and I commence cleaning up the the remnants of her bloody feast.

theaftermath

The aftermath of the incident. Simon watched me clean from the safety of the couch. Spray, wipe, spray, pick up, spray, spray, scrub, scrub, scrub.

"That's disgusting. I think I'm gonna be sick," he says from the safe-haven.

"And this, my love, is why we do not have children."

Even as I type this, Frankie watches me from the kitchen. No doubt awaiting her evening feast.

10.06.2009

'Just being there.'

Just Thinking

Got up on a cool morning. Leaned out a window.
No cloud, no wind. Air that flowers held
for awhile. Some dove somewhere.
Been on probation most of my life. And
the rest of my life been condemned. So these moments
count for a lot–peace, you know.

Let the bucket of memory down into the well,
bring it up. Cool, cool minutes. No one
stirring, no plans. Just being there.

This is what the whole thing is about.

William Stafford

9.30.2009

Banned Books Week - Why we need books

As you may know, this week is banned books week. I planned to write a little something to honor it, but Carrie Ryan (author of The Forest of Hands and Teeth - a must read) beat me to it. Seeing as how she is more concise and eloquent than I am, I'll share her words here:



Why we need books:

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before and if I have, bear with me as I tell a brief tidbit again. I went to a religious high school and one of our graduation talks was from a bishop. He said something I'll never forget: he asked us to constantly question our faith. If we questioned our faith and lost it, then it wasn't strong to begin with and if we questioned and retained our faith, then it was that much stronger.

I think this is something that's applicable to all areas of our life which is why I find it so puzzling how many people want to restrict information, especially through banned books. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a fairly open household where our curiosity was supported but really I think it comes down to this: if the only way you can keep people believing what you want them to is to deny them access to other points of view, then not only do you not trust those people but you certainly don't trust the strength of your own message.

This is why I find the notion of banning books utterly absurd. Sure I understand that books can have really mature content, that they can say things that you might personally disagree with or even find morally abhorrent. But denying people the right to read those books doesn't fix anything, it just keeps people ignorant and unable to form their own opinions. If you're afraid of the message in books, afraid of what someone might think or learn then read them together and discuss about the issues raised, don't ban them.

In my book, The Forest of Hands and Teeth, Mary is raised in a very strict society where all information is restricted -- there are no books (except for one). Because of this, the ruling class is able to control absolutely every belief held by those in the village. It's done out of fear: fear that if left to their own devices, if allowed to learn and come up with their own points of views, they might rebel. They might wonder if there's life outside the fences. They might question authority and might even begin to determine for themselves how they want to live their lives rather than having it dictated to them.

It's no surprise that so many dystopian novels have societies with restricted information and a lack of books. Control the information and you control the people. You stop them from thinking for themselves.

Because, really, that's all banning books does: it freezes society's ability to question authority. It keeps us docile. In control. Ignorant.

And to me, that's the opposite of how we should live life. We should question everything and we should encourage teens especially to question it all. We should have faith in them -- in all of us -- that armed with as much information as possible, we're going to make good decisions.

Because if we don't believe that, we're all in way more trouble than I thought.

This is why this week and every other week of the year, we should speak out against banning books. We should support all books and we should support the readers of those books and be there to listen and talk about challenging content rather than covering it up. These are our future mothers, senators, presidents, coaches, teachers, authors, bankers, uncles: we should hope that they grow up with open minds and the ability to think for themselves so they can teach that next generation to do the same.

9.29.2009

NaNoWriMo

nanowrimocomic

For the first time I'll be participating in NaNoWriMo. I'm beyond excited because I've never tried this crazy approach to novel writing. Make no mistake, however. I do have an outline for the novel I'll be starting then. (Think Paranormal. Think YA. I'm pumped!) *pumps fist in air to prove point*

Who else is participating? And what will you be working on? If not, why??

Details on NaNoWriMo below:

National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel. Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and—when the thing is done—the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to frighten animals and small children.

In 2008, we had over 120,000 participants. More than 20,000 of them crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists.

So, to recap:

What: Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month's time.

Who: You! We can't do this unless we have some other people trying it as well. Let's write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.

Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era's most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.

When: You can sign up anytime to add your name to the roster and browse the forums. Writing begins November 1. To be added to the official list of winners, you must reach the 50,000-word mark by November 30 at midnight. Once your novel has been verified by our web-based team of robotic word counters, the partying begins.

Still confused? Just visit the How NaNoWriMo Works page!

9.22.2009

Beannacht

ireland

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

- John O'Donohue